One year anniversary

Happy Anniversary!

Well, with regards to being in Phoenix, Arizona that is. I'm the first one that has made such a drastic journey away from family since my father moved the family from New York to Washington state years ago.

I cried non-stop as soon as I got on the bus and headed one-way to Phoenix...at least until I got to Utah. I couldn't believe I was leaving family, friends, security to go on yet another, more permanent adventure.

(Almost) exactly one year ago today, I got picked up at the bus station with my bike and my belongings by a stranger-turned-friend. I went to my first studio, signed papers, and to my utter horror was too late to turn on the electricity. I hadn't met anyone yet, except the stranger, who was so kind as to take me to the utility company the next day so I can pay my deposit...only to be told the electricity would be turned on in another 24-48 hours. Laying on the floor and sweltering without AC or electricity for three days was truly miserable. Constant cold water showers in the dark, followed by contemplating next moves during the day, I'm glad I had my bike at least.

How do I chalk up my time in Phoenix so far? I love the DJing community, have profound respect for my befriended cohort (at least the ones I kick it with outside of school), and have little to no hope with regards to this place being woman friendly, poor friendly, and non-racist (in general).  There are pockets of hope that clash up against feelings of loneliness, doubt and self-worth. I am so glad that I found someone that is spiritually stronger than I am (towards the close of the first year), or else I'm sure I would have either imploded, or made some risky, if not bad life choices (well, not really, but I just about reached the end of my rope regardless).

There are some things and events that have made Phoenix memorable (like dancing with Sharon Jones, co-DJing, and my JSI cohort), and some things and events that have made Phoenix miserable (like overhearing racist comments, getting hit by a car, and experiencing hypocrisy, hurt, feelings, and violations).  These and my lack of securing a decent date have made me think several times of jumping ship, but the sense of community within small activist circles challenges such notions otherwise seen as selfish.

This next year here I have to make some decisions about my future, in general, as well as with regards to my current city of residence. I don't know what I'm going to do at the moment, but if emotions were my sole judgement tool, I'd be long gone. Closer to family for sure, or just experiencing a new adventure. I have so many paths imagined right now, I don't know what to do.

For now though, all I know is that I survived my first year. Of graduate school, of living in the heat, of isolation (which may contribute to the loneliness).  Will I have the strength to continue? With the help of friends here, constant communication from friends and family far away, and probably a very good counselor, I think I just might.