You know, there must've been a planetary shift that happened between Tuesday and today, because all of my feelings and doubts of self-worth etc have (temporarily) vanished and I feel like a blank/whitewashed canvas. I seemed to have gotten to a point where I love and respect myself enough to not feel sorry for myself, and realize there are bigger things in the world to try and worry about than my chances of a decent partnership.
Like my applied project. Like moving. Like actually putting myself to more use.
It helps that I was advised to talk to God last night. And I did...before dozing off into a seemingly dreamless sleep. One where I didn't go to bed thinking about men, relationships, acceptance. None of that. I just focused on talking to God (maybe I was talking things out with myself, too).
It seemed to help, because now, I'm not distracted by my feelings. I'm distracted by other things. Being self-centered to the point of feeling sorry for yourself proves that you may not respect and love yourself as much as you thought. Or at least that's the conclusion I came to after reading a few more lines from a very helpful book.
I should very well focus on love and not attach it to intimate relationships. That was my problem. And I hope I found a long-term solution.
Well, it'll have to be long-term because I'm starting school in a little over a week. Back to the marriage of the books. Blegh.
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