On Being Single

Did I say "The Final Epic-Load?" I guess I could be lying, but technically, this thought isn't so much about an issue as it is a reflection of sorts.

I talked with my sister after a series of events happened, and she got me to thinking.  Most people aren't content with being single for long periods of time, and I'm no exception to the rule at this point in my life.  Granted I'm in school and seemingly married to my education at the moment, flying solo starts to smell after a while, especially when going out and trying to be social.

But then, when speaking on desires for a partnership and companionship, it was agreed that, maybe, companionship through friends (regardless of their scarcity) is something I should be content about.  And she's right. Do I really know what I want in a long-term partnership? And am I really seeking guys that fit the bill?

My education tends to heighten my standards as to who my ideal partner should be. Someone who is conscious enough to keep their privilege in check (or checks it at the door) when speaking on various social issues (or speaking to me in general), an egalitarian of sorts (and a patient one that keeps me in check too). I've used some of these phrases once when trying to set myself of on a blind date. Almost instantaneously flagged and removed. However, the simpler and more compromising I get, the more room there is for disappointment and frustration.

That is one important insight I was informed of.  The more you compromise, the more you lose your true sense of self.  I realize now that I put up with so much of what I didn't agree with, allowed it to be in my life so long that I became unhappy and lost my patience with past relationships.  My sister told me not to let the mask of love blind me from my true self, and she's right.

I thought I learned what it means to love myself, but if I am so disgruntled about being alone, I should probably go back and learn more, not just about self love, but the love that should be in partnerships and future relationships. I should be content with my love instead of seeking the love and approval of others. I need to strengthen myself spiritually on matters of love in micro and macro levels.

So, after all this turmoil (which reached a peak), maybe I'm fine with the trials and tribulations involved with being single. It gives me the time I need to learn and grow, and hopefully I'll retain what I've learned when someone comes along that inspires me to want to get to know them more.

A blog that also enlightened and inspired me on such things can be found here.