Stories IV

The Inspyder Project was a story that involved a generation gap with the DreamChasers crew and this new crew of genetically modified beings.  It involves a girl who, in her embryonic stages has a spider fused on her back, with incisors tapped into the brain stem (which I believed gave access to the spider's control of the person, if not controlled itself). The only way the spider could be fully controlled is if the girl learned to use her powers free of the medications given to keep the spider 'fogged' or comatose.  The plot involves her being broken out of the labs by an underground faction of genetically altered beings with similarly linked powers; the leader of which knows something about the girl that turns the rescue mission into more of a revenge-vendetta against the child.  Ultimately, her enhancements are key the the undergrounds' plans of destroying the corporations behind these laboratories once and for all (the DreamChasers failed, after all).

Faulty plot-lines and drawings notwithstanding, I had a good thing going that I later realized was only fueled by my internalized hatred and loathing towards my situation, and myself for being too weak to feel effective enough to do something about it. Two things deterred me from my stubbornness in carrying out my goals. 

One: I visited a comic book shop and saw the clerk behind the counter drawing phenomenal stuff. Comic book stuff. He was already on his way to drawing for a label as far as I was concerned. So I asked him how he got to draw so well, and he insisted on: a) doing this since he was a kid and b) not having to take any drawing classes; the talent came naturally. And that's when I knew that my drawings would never be on par with his! No way would Marvel or Vertigo pick up my amateurish stuff. That part made me think about tossing in the towel. 

Two: As soon as I became independent of my father and all the internalized drama that accompanied the family living arrangement, I became...hopeful. I had an immediate renewed sense of purpose: to not be homeless and to graduate high school. Once my thoughts were on survival as an adult and not on how much I hated being in this world under the thumb of my father, the ideas of escape and complexity...vanished. There were things actually worth worrying about that did not require that I write such stuff that stemmed from my depression, hopelessness, despair, resentment, and ultimate anger/hatred. 

I've kept the fragments of stories, but only until recently have I thought about reviving them and improving upon them in a better state of mind than what I was before. 

Yes, stories reflect on things that were dying to get out. About being useful in a team/family unit, about not being seen as a screw-up or failure, about being accepted for who you were regardless of difference and lofty ideas, about perseverance in the face of adversity and seeming despair. I didn't know what these stories were about until after I was out of such a gloom and doom situation and was able to reflect upon what they could possibly lead to. 

I think I will try to start again.